my hearts cry

WELCOME TO MY NEW BLOG*!  

so last night i went to the village church in dallas with my friend carrie and we sang this beautiful song. 

we'll they sang, i wept. 

and the truth is i cant stop crying..  although i am getting better at containing and controlling my emotions (at least while i'm in the midst of others) THE WORLD RACE has made me a softy. everything hurts my heart.. EVERYTHING! the lord has been gracious to me in this time of transition but i cant get the faces of the people i miss overseas out of my head. i cant help but loose it when i close my eyes and i'm instantly back worshipping with little ones covered in dirt, belly's empty, but hearts full. it's like a movie, and yet its so personal because its not some made up story that flashes before my eyes, there memories lived. and i miss them. i miss their giggles and little embraces.. their sweet smiles and bright eyes. i miss the women of bangla road entrapped by human trafficking. the boys from teen challenge. the orphans from india... i just miss my life from the race. 

so i'm transitioning.. and with that comes discomfort, trial and error, and a continual tug a war between flesh and spirit.   

 i am struggling in resting and being content in this season of not knowing. i know the Lord desires for me to be still and reflect on all that He has showed and taught me through this last year... BUT ITS HARD.. AND ITS UNCOMFORTABLE.. AND I DONT LIKE IT ONE BIT*! 

i would much rather be writing about my awesome future plans for _________ !!! 

but thats just not my reality right now

  i just feel off because i was so good at doing that on the mission field..

 being still was kinda like my thing this last year.. 

i mean i was like REALLY good at it ; )

(kk thats for you haha) and now i cant do it..

 i'm wrestling and i'm losing! 

 i am learning to be patient once again!!! 

on the contrary.. 

it is a wonderful feeling to be home, i still have lovely friends i have yet to catch up with and hug tightly.. and everyday i wake up feeling more like a part of society! yay*!!

  

so for now i rest and wait on the lord to direct me... and while i wait, i sing and worship the one who changed me! 

this song is my hope and my answer for all the wrongs in the world

COME QUICK LORD*!!! 

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fear is swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

When the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone
 ] 

No weeping, no 

hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name